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Sunday, 17 May 2009

2 Weeks of Suprises

It has been exactly 2 weeks since I logged in to Xanga to post up an entry.

A lot of things have taken place along these 2 weeks, some part of excruciating assignments and presentation that I am glad that I have gotten over, finalizing ticketing for my flight to abroad for next semester, and last but not least the most major changes of all things in my life I am now not available anymore – I am in a relationship.

I would not have expected to be in a relationship out of the blue – things are always complicated in my experience when it’s related to relationship.

It all started about a week plus when one of my friends decided to bail out on me for movies and there were two of us left but we decided to go catch a movie anyway. He started to hug me in the theater along with the making out in the car in the parking lot, and for supper to just hang out. He proceeded to ask me for a relationship; I decline because everything was happening to fast and I could not seem to think straight at that time. Besides that I know he was head over heels for this girl in some of my classes which he brags about A LOT when we were still “friends” but things couldn’t happen in between them even thou she apparently told him she has feelings for him but could not be with him for a few reasons.

I proceeded to see him the day after, while he was still asking I declined his request but he proceeded to be extremely confidence; determine that at the end of all this he would be my boyfriend. He was right, after sorting out almost everything in ONE DAY we were in a relationship – it seems too quick.

To date I have been greatful for the 9 days we have been doing almost everything together – from assignments to cooking.

Towards this relationship I still have doubts – especially about the girl he is so in love with still. As well as a problem that I am seeing it coming but still kept silent for the time being on the subject of financial; not that I was being penny-pinching however I been paying for almost everything that almost total up to $100 for the past 3 days even he have more allowance. I had to admit sometimes it is hard not to admit that I am a little materialistic.

Monday, 04 May 2009

Nothing Left

I hate it when I finally finish a day’s work and decide to sit down and write, yet everything seems to jammed up my thoughts. Giving me an odd combination of fragments from events I could summon up right at this moment; that to you make no sense at all.

I hate it when I was trying my best to listen and understand what is taught in class, but beautiful sentences seem to construct itself at the back of my mine. There weren’t any chance for me to write what was in my mind, all I could do is hope, hope that by the end of the day I was able to recall those beautiful sentences; it never happens.

******

There is nothing left.

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Lets Go Explore.

In 2 months time I will be transferring to down under to further my studies.

Along the way I start making preparation, and few months back after excruciating deliberation, I registered myself to an on-campus room. I have been notified that the confirmation will be delivery to me on May.

Recently, a clique who would be transferring to down under as well inquired me regarding my personal accommodation, as well as informing me that they are going to stay on-campus as well. A quick chat leads us acknowledging that we both eye a different on-campus house. They suggested the idea of us staying together, and somehow indicated to me that they would like to stay together and despise the idea of staying with strangers. In addition to that, the convenience of sharing meals together if we stay together.

Frankly speaking, I do not have the slightest interest telling them I have no interest staying with them because I was never comfortable with that clique of theirs. I too do not mind staying with strangers, isn’t that what going abroad is all about, to experience something different; for the best or the worst. However I did not utter anything, I got a weakness at rejecting people what more a clique that might have some little effect on my life.

******

What most important is, I always kept in my mind what an international student friend of mine told me “When we are away from our own country, in people’s eye we are just shyte.” I am in fact preparing myself to endure that. Who cares about cliques or bitches.

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

"I Am Still Figuring."

I did not tell anyone about him, because I do not know how to. When question was brought up, I briefly mention that I am “dating” someone and quickly change the topic with some of them barely noticing it. With him is an affair.

To be honest I do not know where we both stand, we are both perfectly independent adults, attracted to each other in ways that could not be describe, we flirt and date like every couples do. We are not in love, I was wondering it maybe the joy each other’s company that is keeping us together. We had no future together, it was a mere period of crossing each other’s path for a year, be parted and carry on what we do before this.

Deep inside sometimes I am afraid, down to everything we both enjoy sharing it is just about getting in to bed.

******

It meant nothing, nothing at all, to both of us.